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No longer feeling better, Roland stuttered, "I know I was bad, Mother, and I promise not to do it again. I just, I just couldn't help it. I wanted to see everything so bad, but I know better now. Please don't tell Father."While Roland was truly feeling like a cad now, his mother was still trying to resolve in her mind how to curb his curiosity, to get him to control himself, to be the nice boy she thought she had raised to this point."Son," Sarah said as if she was finally getting her thought processes in order, "I'm going to do something which may seem drastic, but this whole thing occurred because you are surrounded by females and you've reached an age when the Devil can taunt you with temptations. I've not been as good at raising a boy as I have been with your sisters, but I'm going to do something about your curiosity. You know the phrase, 'curiosity killed the cat, ' don't you? Well, we're going to kill your curiosity so you--the cat--can grow up to be a decent young lad."Roland. After every session I always came away with a feeling of exhilaration, and a deeper understanding. The decision to separate was mine, and mine alone. It was an extremely hard decision, taken for entirely selfish reasons, when faced with a loss that I could not bear to contemplate – the loss of my children’s love and respect. In parting, I was not the least bit fair to her. I can still feel the pain that I caused her, and it gives me great pain as well. I now understand better why I made the choices that I did. I will never know whether there could have been a different way. I do know that after years of effort, the results are as I had hoped. Could I have done things differently? Perhaps. And maybe I would also somehow have emerged intact on the other side of the nightmare that I faced – different from today, but still whole. No one can ever really know ‘the road not taken’. I do know how much I miss her. There is not a day which goes by without me thinking of her some time. My.
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